Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
