Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
