My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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