What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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