i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
