MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
