i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
