Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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