I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
