she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
