Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
