I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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