p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
