i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
