Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
