party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the condom got lost in my hair
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
