i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
