Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
