I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
