Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
