I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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