i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
