Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
