??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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