I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
