i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
