fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
