I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
