absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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