Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's always time for handjobs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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