First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
