i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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