and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No subtext here. People are naked.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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