Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
