wat bout pragnant strippers??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
