ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
