I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
