Non-Jews are for practice
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
