if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
