I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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