haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
