we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
