Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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