one two three fourrrrnication!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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