"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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