she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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