the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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