if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
