you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Less talking, more tequila
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
