Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
