Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
